Just Venting
I wish I had a hobby… I have plenty of things I like to do but nothing that I love to do. I like to play video games, I like to listen to music, I play with my animals, I like to paint, I like to draw (sometimes, this is the most frustrating thing to me), etc., but none of that gets me up in the morning. I mean, it does, but not really. What I used to think was depression, I think it was ADHD. Knowing what I know now is I suffer from ADHD actually pretty badly, once you learn the symptoms it’s pretty eye opening. Unfortunately, ADHD is so hard to diagnosis in Women and it usually looks like depression. It makes sense — once I found Recreation and working outside and being active in a fun way (i.e., not working out, boooo) I became this other person that was happy and could accomplish things. I’ve been through some heavy things but I’ve also remained positive through it all. I might not actually suffer from depression after all. How can we fix this? I could have done so much more in high-school and my first couple years of college. I know, it’s terrible to live in a “what if” narrative but seriously? It’s not like I didn’t have things I wanted to do, I had goals and ambitions back then just like I do now but I understand myself better now than I did then. Girls of all ages should not have to live like this, it’s freeing to know yourself and to understand yourself but we need more research so we can better understand how a woman’s brain works because apparently we’re missing something for scientists to miss this? I’ve always been such a spaz, forgetful, hyper, etc., but it wasn’t ever “over the top” or “uncontrollable” to the point where anyone was worried, I guess.
I hope when I have kids one day, I’m able to be observant enough to realize the signs. I want my children to understand themselves. I’m not sure if this is an unpopular opinion or not but I also plan to put them in therapy because I’m sure, like always, life will happen and I want them to be able to process everything healthy. My parent’s loved me and respected me but looking back, they never did the hard uncomfortable stuff. Never really pressed me about my feelings after my Meemaw died back in 2008, never had the “sex talk”, I think I only talked about sex with my mom one time very vaguely in response to an incident close to us and then there was a later broken promise to not have sex before marriage. That was it. I didn’t have sex till I was 21 but that’s a long sob story, too. No thanks, NEXT.
Anyway — my point is, therapy is important and taking your mental health seriously is also important. My therapist recognized I had ADHD in a matter of months of getting to know me and that recognition was huge to me.
If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with your mental health, reach out to someone you love/get help by calling 1–800–662-HELP (4357)! I know we just met but you can always comment (Does Medium have a messaging system??) and I’ll be there for you, too! All is well ❤
XOXO
